Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The beers last night were like the tears from god
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
