I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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