oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
