i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
