I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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