I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
