i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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