I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
