Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize