Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
