Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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