No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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