a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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