a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
