I feel great
I just peed on a car
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
