Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
