Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
