Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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