there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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