You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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