um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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