1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
