I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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