my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
