So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
