guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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