Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
