would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You pole danced in your parka.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
