God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
