So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
