just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
