remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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