Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
