i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You pole danced in your parka.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
