I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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