Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize