Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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