i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
being pregnant is like rehab
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
