How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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