So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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