We should be called the Road Head Warriors
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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