i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We smell like vodka and hangover
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