Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
