ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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