Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
