True but thats because hes a fetus.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
