Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
