dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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