He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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