At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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