I skipped work to stalk him.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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