You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
