Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize