My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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