You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I want her autograph on my taint
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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