I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
