I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
