I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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