everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
