Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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