Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize