I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My dick has a subreddit
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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