So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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