I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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