I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
