I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
