I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How does one acquire holy water?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
