Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
