Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
