I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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