Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
