Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My feet surprised me
I'm always down for nudity.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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