Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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