you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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