oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
