Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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