I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize