i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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