3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize