my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize