Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
