pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
