The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
