so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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