two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
