I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
