God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize