god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
