You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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