Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize