New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
