i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
