Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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