i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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