I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
