from now on my penis is your penis
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize