Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
