Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
