I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
