If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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