I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
