My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
